Cream On Your Face

Up until a year ago, I thought “shaving cream” meant foam-in-a-can or, if I wanted to get really fancy, gel-in-a-can. Fortunately, my eyes have been opened and I’ve realized that shaving gear exists beyond Aisle 16. We live in a world rich with luxury, and still affordable, shaving creams. You just have to make the extra effort to seek them out. And with the Internet, it’s actually easier to get your mitts on a quality shaving cream than it is to drive to the store to buy canned crap. Through the past year, I’ve tried nearly two dozen creams. Most were great, and a few were stinkers. Here are a few of my favorites, with my own rating system.



Taylor of Old Bond St. Avocado – I feel giddy every time I pull this out of my medicine cabinet to prep for a shave. Rich lather, cool scent, moisturizing cushion—the only thing that could make this stuff better is if it had tits and gave me a blowjob. But even then, I think I’d be too focused on the great shave I was getting to be distracted by a BJ.
Rating: The girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Crabtree & Evelyn Nomad – This stuff is top-shelf—creamy, thick, smooth and has a great spicy scent. It cushions against the razor, moisturizes the skin and leaves you feeling like you just had a spa treatment.
Rating: That sexy, older woman who you had a fling with while vacationing in the tropics.






Proraso – The granddaddy of shaving creams. This eucalyptus imbued shave cream from Italy lathers wonderfully and smells great. Splash some cold water on your face when you’re done and *zing* you’re in for a nice, cool surprise. Hint: You can find this at Bath & Body Works under the C.O. Bigelow brand.
Rating: The prim secretary who also wears garters and stockings.

Musgo Real – There’s something about this Portuguese shave cream that just screams classy. Maybe it’s the delicious grassy scent or maybe it’s just that classic logo. Every time I lather this stuff up, it makes me feel old-fashioned, in the good sense.
Rating: Your wealthy neighbor’s European wife who very openly sunbathes in the nude.





The Body Shop’s Maca Root – This all-natural, not-tested-on-animals cream delivers a damn fine shave. Simple, fresh and incredibly good. After I’ve shaved with this stuff, I feel like … a better person.
Rating: The yoga instructor you met in the produce section of Whole Foods.

Remi Gaillard: My new favorite Frenchman

For those who think French comedy stretches only the questionable span between mimes and an appreciation for Jerry Lewis, let me introduce to you Remi Gaillard. His public comedy may not be for everyone, but everyone is a potential target of his public comedy. Below are a few of his best.

Mario Kart


Kangaroo


The Snail

Hot Shots

On the radar:
Sharon Jones & the Dap-kings - Performing this Friday, January 30, right here in Portland's Crystal Ballroom. I saw them four years ago at the Doug Fir. How to describe their awesomeness? People were literally dancing on the tables in 2005. I can't wait to see what happens on the Crystal's bouncy floor.

Digital addictions:
Twitter - There's something gratifying about broadcasting your daily thoughts across the intertubes in 140 character snippets.

Peggle - It's like Plinko from the price is right + pinball. Download the demo and don't blame me when you're wondering where your time has gone.

Dandy:
Winn Perry - My shaving obsession lead me into a blissful corner in this nice little men's shop at SE 11th and Division. Others were being fitted for suits and buying cuff links, but I was mesmerized by the top-notch selection of shaving wears from Taylor's of Old Bond St., Musgo Real, D.R. Harris and more. I left with only a bottle of Musgo Real Aftershave, thanking the lord for restraint when it comes to spending.

Sam Adams: Lie to me, baby!

Stand By Your Sam from dalas verdugo on Vimeo.

If you haven't heard, Portland's mayor, Sam Adams (who is single and openly gay) had sex with an attractive 18-year-old guy, denied it during his mayoral campaign and has now admitted to it. The result? He's being crucified by the press, homophobes and people who think other people's sex lives are their business. There biggest outrage? He lied.


I think it was perfectly legit for Sam Adams to lie.

If I was interviewing for a job and my prospective employer asked me if I had sex with a teenager AND I knew my answer would unfairly skew my chances for being hired, I would have three choices:

1. Say yes (even though it's none of their business) and not get the job.

2. Say "It's none of your business" (which would result in more questions and more prying) and not get the job.

3. Say "No and it's none of your business" and (potentially) put the issue to rest and get the job.

Without the benefit of hindsight, who the hell wouldn't choose option 3? Apparently a very loud minority of people with press passes (AKA newstards).

Vote for Baby Mangino!

Thanks to my friend DAAAAAVE, Baby Mangino has entered my life. While you may have seen this little baby dressed as the giant, rib eatin', Orange Bowl consumin' coach of my fighting Kansas Jayhawks, you might not know this baby is on his way to a championship as Sportshuman of the Year over at deadspin.com. And his victory relies on your vote.

Click here and vote for Baby Mangino!

Plus, Baby Mangino is up against Buzz Bissinger, who is not just a cunt, but also is apparently scared of "those pesky kids and their social media":